Rose: The Pancake Girl
by RoseLovesBrid
Summary: The story of love, lust and a whole lotta other stuff in between... ;) mhmmm
1. Chapter 1

It was a saturday night when I felt the urge to go out clubbing. I splashed on fake tan so I'd look like a traveller, then chose a black skirt I bought in Pennys.

I remember me ma saying to me: "£20 for a skimpy skirt and you'll only wear it once!". I laughed at her afterwards knowing what she was saying was totes true. Normally when I go out clubbing, I get the guy and we start to go back to my place - totes wasted! I always preferred having "risky sex" which is when we bang outside in public places. It really adds to the thrill.

I reached the club at 10:30 and as soon as I went in that door everyone was staring at me. Inside I smiled. I'm just an attention whore. I adore have people stare at me - especially men. I thought that I should show a bit more cleavage to get them nice and hard for when the good times start, so I reached up to pull down my top a bit more to show some cleavage. But me top wasn't there.

I had forgotten to wear a top.

I should of been embarassed but it just turned me on. I could feel myself coming to an orgasm. Quickly I ran to the loo's to have it in peace. Guys wolf-whistled as I ran with my tits flapping in the wind. I pushed open the door and saw 2 chicks digging it out on the sink.

"Fuck that's hot" I thought to myself. They both saw me and looked horified. My jaw dropped and I realised who they were. Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. Miley tried to cover her dick but that baby was just so red and so big it was impossible. Selena jumped off the counter and went down on her knees to me. When she spoke she looked up my skirt. I cursed. Forgot to wear panties too.

I looked at Miley who was licking her lips at us. Then Selena spoke. "Please don't tell anyone that you saw us here!" I stared down at her sweaty tits and smiled. "Sure, if I get to join". Before Selena could speak, a load of cum hit me in the face. There was so much I fell to my knee's and a dick was shoved into my mouth. I looked up to see Rita Ora fucking my mouth.

Miley began fingering Selena and asked me a question. "So babe," she said while licking her lips at me, "what do you call yourself?". I took the penis out of mouth and smiled feeling the cum drip down my face. "I'm Rose". A loud groan was heard from the stall door and a voice said, "Rose! I'm having an orgasm to you! Sexy fucking babe!"

I was totes confused about who this person was. The door opened and my jaw dropped. It was 1 of my old classmates - Ciara. She came behind me and started fucking me there. I could hear Miley's voice shouting at me. "We gonna have a lot of fun now Rose!"


	2. Chapter 2

DICKCLAIMER YOKE: I don't own Rose... :(.. By the way, the mass was great wasn't it? :D ANYway...

I woke up suddenly. I rubbed my face wondering why the fuck I just had a dream about Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Rita Ora and Ciara. Ciara. My heart raced as I thought of her. I felt the smile drop from my face as I remembered what happened in 3rd year...

Le Flashback ;)

"AH sure g'on!" Helena said. I smiled awkwardly at her. She had been trying to get me to ask out Ciara. I looked over at the other chair and saw Alana red in the face pissing her self laughing. I couldn't help but lick my lips. Before I could speak or possibly grope Helena, the dude came with our chicken wraps. I winked at him and as he turned he took out his dick and waved it at me.

I turned back to the table and saw that Helena, the fucking bear, already ate her AND my wrap. I pulled down my tights and took off the pad. I slapped her in the face and she fell out the window. I wish. No, she just laughed and wiped my blood off her face.

I saw Alana doing her thinking face. I cursed and realized that she was actually constipated. All of a sudden shit flew everywhere and I ducked for cover. Bitch! I stood up and saw Alana acting like she didn't just try to murder me with turds. She said "Yeah babe like totes 2k12! Go ask out dat hawt ass!" Helena took off her glasses and licked off the shit hungrily. I dug my hands down her skirt and pulled her dick. "EVERYTIME YOU DO THAT I WILL COCKSLAP YOU! FUCKING BEAR!" I shouted.

I turned back to Alana and asked her a question. "Why did you call Ciara hot if you've got a boyfriend?" She winked. "What Fred babe don't know won't hurt him eh?" I just sighed and sat back into me chair. "Fine. I'll ask her out"

Le Flashback over ;)

I hear a groan from outside the window. [NOTE FROM ME! Seamus would be PISSED if she read this! Not because she may make a surprise appearance, but because the tenses aren't the same throughout! :O] I looked over and was surprised to see Mary and Helena's girlfriend. I smiled and reached up to take off my top.

"IT AIN'T THERE! FUCKING 'ELL SELENA!" I screamed. [AHAHA HOLY SHIT ONE SEC HERE! ON NCIS THEY JUST SAID "LAY OFF THE DOUBLE NEGATIVES!" OHHHH SEAMUS MUST OF WRITTEN THE SCRIPT! Anyway...] Mary broke open the window with her tits of steel and as she scrawled thru she stripped off her clothes revealing her old, wrinkly, flabby body.

Man was I turned on.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear fucktards and fuckettes. I apologise for chapter 2. My advice is, thou shan't write a chapter while eating rice.

I ran quickly thru the barley trying to forget about Ciara's wrinkly body. It was so fucking creepy but SO HAWT. My mind drifted back to Mary's girlfriend, Lia. Mmmm.. She has some fine meat down below :). My dirty fucking thoughts were interrupted by a weird sound coming from me panties. I LOL'd thinking I had me vibrator in. It was me phone tho.

It was me da. He says that we can go to Disneyland tuhmurrow! YUHHH!

S'here we are in Disneyland lads! We been here for an hour and I already had sex in a giant teacup. HOT HOT HOT. I seen a sign so I did, so I goes up te it. Says that Selena Gomez and MIley Cyrus will be performing with a special guest star. Man, I was so pumped.

I ran back to my dad and grabbed his dick.. I uhh meant HAND. I told him about the concert and he said it was cool if I wanted to go. I asked him why ain't he going and he says "Rosey baby, Ima chill out with them fly cats over there". Then he pointed to a bunch of old niggers smoking weed. Cool.

I made my way over to the concert hall by was pulled into a bin. I took out my rape whistle and began to blow in it. I was good at blowing. Everyone said so. I stopped blowing when I saw who the person was. It was Shakira! Me jaw dropped. "Waka Waka its time for Africa!" she said. I was surprised. "Woah, for real?" She nodded and said the sentence that changed my life.

"Waka Waka pregnant with your Waka Waka baby"

When I arrived at the show I was totes in shock still. Shakira was having my baby! Go tobann, someone pushed me to the ground and screamed at me. "YOU SLEPT WITH MY SELENA!" I wondered WTF was happening. They tore my jeans off me and pointed at my leg. I looked down and saw "Selena :*" written in semen. I was beyond shocked. It wasn't a dream!

I WAS FUCKED BY SELENA GOMEZ!

I out my whiskey in me One Direction flask. Instead of drinking it I shoved it up my anus to remove any un necessary shit. I had to be perfect for my girlies 3.

I looked around and saw Selena on stage singing and what-not. I ran to her and it was just like the romantic films where the couple run into eachothers arms and kiss. Except I ran into someone. I fell on the floor and looked up. It was Kristen Stewrt smiling at me.

I've never been so scared in my life. I ran and jumped up onto the stage into ma gurl's arms. She lit the pile of dead bodies so it was like a campfire. Then, at that moment I realized I was destined to be on stage. So I sung, and by George they would remeber me. [Sings: "This Is Me" from Camp Rock"]. Then ZOMGZZZZZZZ DAH JONAS BROTHERZZZZZ came on stage and we all stripped naked and sang Taylor Swift.

After that I passed out from all the viagra I took.

Well my little fuck-a-tinos, I thought this sucked a bit less than the last one. I hate these fucktarded authors notes but its a fanfiction tradition so yeh...


	4. Chapter 4

Can't remember where I left off from the last chapter. OH WELL. Mmmm Innocent Smoothies... Which reminds me of how "Mommy put bubbles in my bath", used to ALWAYS have like 8 of them everyday. Then she couldn't open them, so she had to like drink handgel. But when she opened them she'd jump up and shout "SUCH A TREAT". Fuck my ear ._.

Ciara's Point of viw

VIEW]#

Broke the backspace key btw sooo :L

It was a frieday morning. I had just drank 8 cups of coffee and was SO ready for this class. As the bell rung I ran down the corridor with me skirt flapping in the wind. I trampled a few ppl but meh who gives a fuck.

I slowly opened the door. I took a step into the rroom and seductivly put me leg on the table showing off the bit of leg. I looked around the room and saw her. Her. No, I can't say her name - she might be able to read minds.

She sat back next to that creepy ginger and then to her other side was taht pregnant girl. What was her name? Like I care. She's fairly thick tho, says that she got all the quaestions wrong but then gets it right. Dopey fecking character. I'd love to give her tits a fair swim.

I saw me girl smiling at what Preggy was saying. I took my leg off the table and acting all "professional". I slapped my tits off the desk to get their atteention. [Fat fingers o.o]. Me Gurl looked up at me with her stupid horse tails wagging in the wind. Or are they pigtails? Like I give a fuck.

Me Gurl looked terrified. Poor girl, I just wanna love her. I decided that today I would procliam me love for her. I opened Mr Google and went on the music site. I got ready to strip dance but some stupid fucker asked a question. I turned around.

SHE WAS NAKED.

Nah, I wish.

/Her voice is so scratchy I don't know what shes saying. Something about... Paul? Ginger? Grass? Dopey children. ANother girl interrupted me. She had a very loud voice. "Miss, whats on the christmas test?" I glared at her. Retard wanted to do some work. Fucking hell.

I realized who she was. I leaned forward on the desk and spoke. "your Colgan's girl eh?" The girl went bright red. I laughed then she corrected me. "Im her fuckbuddy actually miss". I winked and shook my hips then said "You can be mine any time Hun".

I looked around the class and the ginger had her hand raised. I didn't like her so I threw my UNDERGARMENTS at her. Hope she makes them into a braclet.

I looked over at Me Gurl. She was staring at me absoluietly terrified. I was scared. She could read my mind! I ran down to Me Gurl and grabbed by her pig-tails ad threw her into a locker. I grabbed my UNDERGARMETNS off the other girls face and ran out that damn door.

I was so fucked.

Golden Veg rice or Mexican rice?


	5. Chapter 5

**The night air stank of her sister's tampons. It was an ongoing family joke where Clara, Rose's mam, would kindly ask Rose if she wanted any of Alexis' tampons in her tea. Rose would smile and reply with a curt nod and "Yes mother, that would be very welcome". **

Rose tugged her jacket tighter around her. She was only wearing a green onesie underneath her jacket. [authors note: this is actually true soooo] Rose had made plans to meet up with her best friend, Clodagh. Clodagh was an odd gal to say the least. She had bleach blonde hair and an overwhelming obsession with the Kardashians. Well, she was from Miami afterall.

It was a weekly thing for the two friends to meet up at the local Centra in their onesies and take pictures. Ever since Rose auditioned for X Factor USA (ily demi), Rose had difficulty sharing her time between her singing career and her bff. It was sad really.

Rose pushed open the door and her jaw dropped. 10 feet away stood Emma sucking faces with Clodagh. Oh dear Jesus.

End of mofo chapter. Mmm apologies for the short chapter Hannah. :)


	6. Chapter 6

*FLASHBACK*

So I poke this girl in my art class that I'm friends with. She warns me that if I do it, she's going to hit me in the face.

I go for it.

She throws a hard one. As soon as I feel it, BAM! Insta-boner. (I can't explain why it turns me on though)

So I have this raging hard on hidden underneath the table jutting straight out of my sweatpants. She warns she'll do it again.

I go for it.

She hits me again. I feel a little pre baby gravy. I'm enjoying it a lot. I try again.

"Why do you keep poking me?"

I freeze. I don't have an answer for that.

"Are you getting off to me hitting you?"

I stammer out a single "no!" And she looks at me disgusted.

"Stand up."

I shake my head, she tells my other friend, a guy, to hit me if I don't do it. He wouldn't do it anyway, but I really didn't want him to ruin my perfect boner.

I stand up with the most obvious erection possible. She laughs and tells me to sit back down.

I was embarrassed, but I don't care anymore, I got what I wanted. I feel like the weirdest person on Earth. Best fap of my life that night.

*FLASH BACK FINISHED*

I turned on my heel and ran wailing from the store like a fucking banshee. But I didn't care. I just wanted to be away from her and out of that abusive relationship. She used to tie me down to the lawnmower and feed me viagra while my dog would carelessly hump my hot body. *faaaap* NO! You can't do this anymore Rose! *faaaap* ROSE! DUDE, JUST STOP. It's Lent and y'all gotta give something up! *faaaap* Oh what the hell! It's the wee hours of the morning outside Centra. Who the hell would see me?

"Rosemary?" I whipped around. Shit, I was caught white handed. And to make shit worse - it was me Religion teacher.

*FLASH BACK*

My friend's aunt had just passed and she was inconsolable. As she's literally crying on my shoulder, I got what I can only describe as a "grief boner"- an unstoppable force triggered by the back of my brain saying "Y'know what would cheer this girl up in her time of dire tragedy? Your penis!"

And yes, she noticed. As soon as she noticed, she NOPE'd the fuck out of there with grace, telling me that she'd have to notify more of the family. I offered my help, not picking up that she'd noticed things, but she adamantly refused.

FML.

*FLASH BACK FINISHED*

"Ummm, I ain't no Rosemary no I ain't. I is trailer trash" I mentally cursed my brain for being such a fucking retard for lying. My teacher just stared at me strangely. Why the fuck did I try and be cool and continue? I raised my hand to wave but forgot that I was holding a deathgrip on my magic muffin.

Time slowed.

My teacher stared at me in utter bamboozlement.

I had just squirted the cum of 1000 sons at her.


	7. Chapter 7

"Rosie, open up! It's Mary!" I jumped for joy knowing that my bff was here. Since she moved states, we hadn't seen eachother in a while! I unlocked my bedroom door and opened my arms to hug her. I just couldn't contain myself and stuck my tongue right into her mouth. Mary seemed scared. "ummmm, Rose?" I shook my head and said "Nevermind". And so things were normal again.

It was 3am when Mary said we should share stories. I cringed. I had THE MOST EMBARASSING life evar. But because I was so falling for her, I decided to bare my soul.

*FLASH BACKS*

I was at my cousin, Jason's, funeral. I sat in the front row next to my mam. There was this hawt girl three rows back. I couldn't help but get a boner. TL;DR Everyone thought I was a gay, incest, necrophiliac.

2:

When I was 13 a doctor wrote me an adult dose for a certain medicine based on my weight. I was a fat kid. Our body does not work that way and the medicine ended up constipating me...for a month. I did not shit for a whole month. I got sick. I had racoon-like eyes, my stomach would jump or flutter by itself, I had cramps, etc. It was bad. I was miserable.

I finally told my parents how long it had been since i had shit and they freaked out and took me to the hospital. There, they gave 3 enemas back to back. After the third and final one, all that water softened all that shit up just enough i could expel it. I ran to the nearest bathroom, gown open in the back, and tried to make it to the toilet.

I didn't

My ass was hovering at a 45 degree angle above the toilet when the geyser burst. This next part is not a lie, but i know some of you will think it is, I got shit everywhere. On the ceiling (somehow), on the floor, the toilet was covered, the walls, even the sink got hit with some spray. Shit was literally, yes literally, sprayed on all walls and ceiling. It was everywhere.

I felt like a new kid after that. Cleaned myself up the best i could and then had to figure out what to do. There was no way i could clean it all up, I needed a janitor. So I walked out and politely told a nurse the bathroom need a clean up and badly.

A janitor was only a few rooms down for some reason so I saw him go by to clean it, but he did not know who i was, he got to the bathroom and the whole ER heard, "Oh Hell no, I ain't cleaning this up. I quit." and he did.

I felt so bad, still do. I made some poor janitor quit his job over a shit-caked bathroom.

3:

My most embarassing moment happened while I was working at a camp for the summer. I was a camp runner, meaning that I was the guy that drove into town for whatever reason. At night I'd sleep in a room with about 10 other guys, and the bathrooms were big and always busy, so I was completely abstinent nearly the entire summer.

So one day I got a call that I had to pick up a camper girl who had been bitten by a spider and take her to urgent care. It was policy that if I was driving a camper of the opposite sex somewhere, there had to be another adult (18+) of the opposite sex riding with us. The other adult that came with us was this cute girl that I had had a few conversations with prior. I was somewhat sleep-deprived at the time, and she knew this, so as she had her camp driving clearance and knew the way to the urgent care, she offered to drive, and I accepted.

The camp was in the middle of nowhere, so the ride to the urgent care was pretty long. In that time I fell asleep. I woke up with my dick hard as a rock and the head of it poking out of the leg of my shorts. Before I was able to get my bearings, I felt a surge of pressure and proceeded to ejaculate onto the glove compartment door. Immediately I heard both a shriek and a girl yell, "oh God! Holy shit no!" I turned and looked at both girls. Both of them had obviously seen what happened and both of their faces were like beet red. The car was absolutely silent for the next 10 minutes apart from the sounds of me attempting to wipe up my semen with an old McDonald's bag. Finally we reached the urgent care, and I dropped them off.

After talking with the girl that drove the next day, I had apparently been hard for like 10 minutes. Both of them were fully aware of it, but both were too embarrassed to wake me up. That was the worst.

4:

My boyfriend's landlord is my French teacher from high school. It's not a bad situation- I was a good student, and it's not like the landlord is over all the time.

One day, the boy was going down on me- it was the middle of the day and nobody else was home, so I felt no fear in loudly expressing my appreciation. Once I had finished, there was a sharp knock on the door of his room. "Hey, rent's due... Good job!" the landlord called. Apparently he had been standing out there waiting. While I appreciate his allowing me to finish, I still can't look the guy in the face.

5: When I was 13, I woke up in the middle of the night to a man laying next to me in my small bed, staring right at me. I looked at him all confused and told myself "OH! Silly, you're having a nightmare!" So I smiled at him, closed my eyes and was about to fall back asleep... when he started touching my thigh. Two things happened at once: I realized that I was only in my bra and underwear and that I was definitely not having a nightmare. Fear like I've never felt before gripped every inch of my body and I think I stopped breathing. He started making his way up to my underwear, presumably to take them off. What did I do? I opened my eyes and I shit you not said "Hold on a second, I have to pee." He looked shocked, but didn't stop me as I wrapped my blanket around my body and proceeded to take a few steps toward my bathroom. Then I noticed that my bedroom door was wide open, so I bolted. I ran to my mom's room, banged on the door and SCREAMED about how there was a man in my bedroom. My mom came out to the hallway and had just started reassuring me that it was a bad dream, when the fucker dashed out of my room and toward the front door. My mom froze, but I got the biggest sense of "How the fuck dare he try to rape me?" That's when I grabbed a lamp, ripped the cord out of the wall socket as I started chasing him, insanely waving that lamp and screaming all the profanities that my 13-year-old mind has ever heard. I chased that fucker down the streets while my mom called the police. I lost him somewhere in the dark, but when the police came, got statements and started searching the neighborhood, I got my revenge. They caught him hiding in the bushes, brought him over, and asked me to identify him. I marched right up to that motherfucker, kneed him in the balls and walked away saying "HELL YES I WANT TO PRESS CHARGES."

6: Looked out my window to see my parents having sex in the hot tub. I quickly ran to my brothers room to tell him, and found him looking out the window and fapping

7: My father and I were sitting in the family room watching television, when my little brother came downstairs from taking a shower wrapped in a towel. He sat down on the sofa, unwrapped the towel, and proceeded to start fapping like it was nobody's business.

8:

Not a family member, but my friend in class I was looking through her iPhone photos and found two videos back to back of her having sex with her boyfriend, one thumbnail was clearly a picture of his penis in her and the other of her giving a blowjob to him. We were sharing headphones so I kinda looked at her and she said sure. So I watched both videos about 4 minutes long each, she was amazingly hot and I had her sitting right next to me watching her ride a cock like nothing I've ever seen in a porno before... I kinda fantasizes about fucking her all the time so at the end I had a raging boner under our table, she saw and just giggles.

It was fucking amazing, I just thought it belonged here as something shocking that I caugh her doing and she kinda just said "go ahead"

9:

My female dog licks and humps my roommate's female dog.

I secretly wish my roommate would take this as a sign that we are meant to be lesbian lovers. Sigh.

10:

When I was around 16 my overweight step-sister walked into the kitchen, not realizing I was in the room over reading/not moving, and proceeded to eat a whole stick of refrigerated butter.

I waited until she finished the entire thing before I asked her what the shit she was doing. To which she replied in a very manly voice, "Eatin butta.."

11: I caught my brother eating frozen placenta, he thought it was meat ice cream.

*FLASH BACK OVER*

Mary stared at me in disbelief before running out the goddamn door screaming. Mam asked me what was wrong, but I was too upset. Mam went back to bed and I stuck my penis into a jar of mayonnaise, before fapping myself to sleep.


End file.
